casting down footprints in this world, and not looking back to regret the path made. A simple girl, yet a masterpiece carved by the hands of her master above.
loves da bible, running my fingers on a keyboard, listening to music, talking, eating, gazing at nature's beauty. Feels smitten easily just by lying under coverage of stars, staring at them.
journey written down here may have it ups and downs, but let it be a blessing to u =) hop on long enough, and u will see the happy ever after ending with my master above. =)
This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it...
Monday, January 28, 2008
Stepped out, felt the humidity, felt the heat...
...i know i have touched down at the right country.
As the day goes by, each hour seems to be getting harsher. I stared at the sky, and it was cloudy. ...then i realised how much i miss the clear blue sky and the starry nights in melbourne.
As i was being driven back, the car radio was on. ...then i realised how much i miss listening to emo songs while being driven around in melbourne, sharing same interest of christian music and arguing over wat chords they were playing with the driver(s), mock singing in the car, trying to reach the high pitch notes but ended up croaking, etc...
Then i reached home, and used my lap top. ...then i realised this isnt 2/31 sarton rd anymore. As i was using my lap top, it felt a lil weird msn-ing with clayton ppl from my living room.
I drove out to meet up with a group of friends. ...then i realised i miss being driven around. I miss travelling on wellington rd, and princes highway. I miss the clear roads.
Later, went out for dinner with my extended family. ...then i realised how much i miss having meals with all of u, and i miss the times were we would exchange stories, revelation, or jokes , and laughing along.
Came home, was reading the notes compiled by chiann in the photo album again. ...then i realised how much i miss meeting up with all of u.
Watched the video done by jason again. ...then i realised how much i miss talking to all of u.
All of my experiences, involved ppl. What do i miss most about melbourne ? the ppl. what do i wish to bring back with me if i have the ability to? the ppl.
It's all of u tht made a difference in me, and it's all of YOU that left a legacy in me.
From the bottom of my heart, thank u, thank u, thank u.
~words cant express how grateful i m to have all of u in my memories~
All of u will not be erased from my memory, and i hope i will not be forgotten as well. See u later, and take care, all of u. =) ..and thank u.
~me~ at 9:31 PM Comments-[ comments.]
Warning: Long and chiong hei post ahead. If u r not up for it, very well then. But even if u have a slight interest of reading this post, well, by all means. I encourage the latter one!
Wow...this week was been refreshing!
Monday: Went to work as usual. What made tht particular 'monday' special, is tht i took a friend's advice to walk around the neighbourhood, since the weather was puurfect! Guess what,as i looked up to admire the sky, the clouds spoke to me! okaye, not literally , but yeah, i have never seen clouds in such precise forms representing something before! I saw three animals. First on my left, is a rabbit, hopping towards the left. Next, an eagle, right beside the rabbit, soaring towards the right. And, a phoenix beside the eagle, soaring in the same direction with the eagle. And the phoenix was soaring towards the sun.
It was such a beautiful picture.
I have yet to FULLY grasp the whole meaning of it. But i m gonna find out. It cant be just mere coincidence tht the clouds were shaped in 3 distinct forms.
TOo bad i didnt bring my camera out.
Tuesday: Spent most of my time with a very dear friend of mine.
It felt good to share my deepest thoughts with someone (finally..), and also to listen to her side of the story. It seems tht both of us are almost in the same boat, and to see her being so strong in her convictions,it really encouraged me to rise up even further.
'Wait' is definitely not an easy word to swallow, what more when it requires us to live out the definition of tht word. Its easy to read the lives of ppl who waited patiently, cuz the ending its revealed. But when we experience it ourselves, its not as easy as it seems, cuz the ending is not revealed to us, yet.
But the good news is, all these 'waiting' stories, have endings that are rewarding. All we need to do, is to wait, and hang on to the the currency of God's kingdom, which is faith.
"Have Faith" - seems to be a cliche phrase we normally use as an encouragement when we or others face a dead end. i think tht sometimes, we have diluted the meaning of the phrase. Sometimes, we said it just for the sake of saying it. ..and not really be convicted by it.
Have faith.
According to the bible : Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (heb 11:1)
According to wikipedia: To commit oneself to act based on sufficient evidence to warrant belief, but without absolute proof. Mere belief on the basis of evidence is NOT faith.
Faith is the extra step beyond the evidence shown. Its hopping on though there's no sure answer of what is going to happen. Its trusting the words of our Creator. Its sometimes, what i would call, 'play by ear'
Faith doesnt require ALL evidence. If u need a sure evidence in order to believe, tht's not faith anymore i believe.
In sum, God said 'Trust Me, and you will not go wrong.'
Tht's not really an evidence per se, but its a promise. Taking a step of faith, u go closer in claiming ur promise. Its going closer to the rewarding ending of our story. Your story. My story.
Even as we continue chatting,we have concluded that God knows best. Though sometimes our 'happily-ever-after' story may not seem plausible if we follow His plan. BUt He holds tomorrow, and we dont. So who are we to say it wont happen? What right do we have to say to God 'i know better'?
It was a long nite. BUt it was worth the staying up. I was so relieved even after sharing one of my deepest struggles and thoughts to her.Something which i tot i would never share with anyone here. God was definitely there as a silent listener as well.
I guess His word for both of us tht night was 'wait'
For me particularly - Psalm 37
Wednesday: After the long nite, we had to wake up early to go to airport. Tht day, we had alpha course too. It was different, compared to any other day. The message was so timely for all of us who watched it. It was so powerful, to the extent that we went home immediately after the talk. We just wanted to go home and write our thoughts down. Didnt wanna have discussion. The lesson was on 'How does God guide us', and the main 5 points were: 1. Commanding Scriptures 2. Compelled Spirit 3. Common Sense 4. Counsel of the Saints 5. Circumstantial Signs
and nicky Gumbel ended with Romans 8:28: "and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purposes."
Its so relevant to the conversation i had on tuesday! Also, Ps 37:5 - "Commit your way to the Lord;trust in Him and He will do this: He will make you shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun."
THe talk also reminded me of how God can create something out of nothing. He does not only create, but He does it beautifully. As long as we trust in Him.
Thursday: Also had work today, and my last time meeting up with Keith.
Today's CG was different. Well , in terms of numbers, we only had 4 ppl. However, tht didnt stop us from worshipping God. For my first time, being the only musician, i stopped playing halfway. Usually i dont stop , unless i m in a team. But this time, even though i was the only one playing, I had to stop at a certain point, and just allow God to move. Though i have to admit i think i didnt stop long enough. EVen in tht short period of the pause, He reminded me that He loves me a lot, and whatever He has planned for me, its definitely for my own good, and its for the best.
God was definitely there. Thank you Lord.
I learnt soemthing new too today, during the sharing tht we had after the worship. Jason shared that if Jesus had tore the veil, and made the way for us, why isnt everyone going to Him then? And he went on explaining tht we each have our own veil to tear. Even as he shared tht, it reminded me of my memory verse last week. It is taken from Hebrews 6:19-20 - "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf"
We need 'hope' to enter the inner sanctuary. It is the 'hope' tht we have in the Lord that has the power to break our own individual veil. And thus, it ties in to the wednesday experience, and also the tuesday's conversation.
Even now, as im writing all these thoughts down, i really feel the presence God strongly. Thank you Lord.
Well, today marked my 2nd last day in CG. The coreteam was sharing about the goals of the caregroup, and the direction tht they are going to head. Its a pleasure for me to just sit in , and to listen to their discussion. I m excited for them. There were many times i wish i could play a part, and plough our hands together in the field for the harvest. Knowing i cant, the least i could do is to pray for them. Yes, laidees and gentlemen, pls pray for CCM. It's not easy, yet its not hard. The Lord will provide. But we need to pray. Its a pity tht i wont be here to lend a hand, and to meet new faces..(yesh..new blood!! muaahahha!!!) Then again, God has His big big plan for me.
Just want to share something si qin once sent to me. I find it very timely for me now, and maybe to some of u. I hope it will speak to u as much as how it did to me.
WAIT
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried: Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied. I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate, And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait." "WAIT? You say 'wait'," my indignant reply. "Lord, I need answers. I need to know why! Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard? By faith I have asked and am claiming your Word. My future and all to which I can relate hangs in the balance, and YOU tell me "Wait?" I'm needing a 'yes'', a go-ahead sign, or even a 'no' to which I can resign. And, Lord, You promised that if we believe we need but to ask, and we shall receive. And, Lord, I've been asking! I need a reply!"
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut. and grumbled to God, "So I'm waiting.....for what?" He seemed, then, to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine, And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. I could raise the dead, cause the mountains to run. All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be. You would have what you want ~~ But you wouldn't know Me. You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint; You'd not know the power that I give to the faint; You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair; You'd not learn to trust just be knowing I'm there; You'd not know joy of resting in Me When darkness and silence were all you could see: You'd never experience the fullness of love As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove; You'd know that I give and I save (for a start), But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart, The glow of My comfort late in the night, The faith that I give when you walk without sight, The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST. You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee, What it means that "My grace is sufficient for thee, Yes, your dreams for that loved one overnight would come true, But, Oh, the loss! If I lost what I am doing in you!" "So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me. And though oft may My answers seem terribly late, My most precious answer of all is still, "WAIT."
Author Unknown
When the wounds of my heart need healing, and my broken dreams need mending .... the Lord tenderly meets me, lifting my cares, erasing my fears, restoring my hopes. Like a fresh breath from heaven, God touches me .... and I am whole again. Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.
hehe..i thought of three more to-do(s) to add to my list.
1. Have a meal in Grain express in Uni. WHy? cuz tht's like my canteen during break times..hehehhe.. i dont know how's the cafeteria in the new monash campus is going to be like tho (i heard its teeny).
2. Go to bendigo to meet up a friend tht i made in Youth exchange programme in New Zealand dec 2002. Crossing my fingers real hard tht i would be able to achieve this.
Just finished writing down what i did for this week, and all i can say is tht , time is definitely flying too fast, for me to take a breather.
Yi Mei just flew off yesterday. And in 17 days, i will be in tht position.
its no fun. seriously, no fun. I kinda got tired of the word 'keep in touch', cuz sometimes it doesnt happen. well..most of the time it would my fault cuz i dont quite keep the effort to keep in touch, especially if it only involves msn or email. The experience shared will not be the same anymore. It wont be as easy as 'come, lets go makan now..', or 'see u later'. Its just...different. The biggest fear tht i have in terms of farewell(s) is tht the close bonds tht i have made here will all go to a waste when future experiences are different, and to the extent tht we can be total strangers as time pass. Probably tht's one of my reason why i find it SO hard to accept the fact tht i do not know when i will be meeting them again. New ppl will come into their lives, and into my life, and seasons change.
i do have a list of to-do(s) before i head back. well, i *hope* to be able to do all, but even if i dont, its okaye la. cuz i m staying positive and claimimg in faith tht i WILL be back for longer term.
firstly, i do wanna have one more jamming session. i dono when will i be able to jam with the ppl here again.
Secondly, i wanna go to mt dandenong one more time, preferbly at night, cuz i havent seen the night view before. Heard from Mei that it is like viewing stars below, from the mountain. =) But, hahaha..even if its afternoon view, it would be splendid enough. I wont get it in msia, not even in cameron highlands. How sad! Actually, i have this crazy plan, but probably i m the only one crazy enough to uh..go for it. On the night b4 i leave, bring my sleeping bag, and maybe umbrella, (in case it rains which i highly doubt), and just lie on the mountain, till the next morning to see sun rise. ehehhhe..then just in time to go church after tht. hehehehhe... (i can hear echoes going 'u CRAZY ar?')
Thirdly, i wanna either go watch a NICE DECENT movie in the cinema in australia (the oh-so-spacious-leg-space) with a group of ppl, OR watch a DVD in someone's house. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, i got nothing better to do . hahahahah.. but yeah, how much time do i have left here?
Fourthly, a day trip to grampians/wilson prom. hahahh..HIGHLY impossible. so maybe i will do tht when i come back.
fifthly, get all my souvenirs done, and packing lor. the boring one. hahahah..
On the bright side, i m excited to go back. Things have changed for the better and i m so glad tht God has showed me the direction He wants me to go. In a way, i think He's trying to say 'Jane, dont waste anymore time. I have shown u what you need to do for this season, no more procastinating.' There will be changes, and major ones in terms of the areas of ministries tht i m gonna focus in. I m not sure whether ppl will back me up.I m also prepared to even face doubts from ppl who are close to me as well. But, as long as it is what God says, i dont really care who's with me, cuz God and I are the majority. He will provide the ppl , the resources, and the back-up(s) tht i need.
2008. I dono what is in stored for me, but i will embrace it with a positive attitude ....i *hope*.
"Many things about tomorrow, i dont seem to understand. But i know who holds tomorrow, and i know who holds my hand."
I m not *really* ready to face it, but i know i gotta move, cuz God is moving.
