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- J i n G L e -
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This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it...
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Sunday, January 28, 2007
Dont You........
1. ... feel exhausted when u did so many things, yet amount to nothing?
2. ... feel discouraged when u r in a group trying to help out in a project, yet the comments u received from ppl outside the group are sentences like 'why so last minute?'
3. ...feel a lil left out when u r in a group of ppl from a different church than you?
4. ...feel torn when u have to choose between two areas to serve, and knowing tht u have passion for those two areas of ministry?
5. ...feel hurt when someone who once treated u special, tells u 'u r not special' anymore indirectly thru words, or action?
6. ...feel unappreciated when u r not listed in 'thank you' list?
7. ...feel frustrated when you dont get what u expected?
8. ...feel envious when u wish tht person was you but its not?
9. ...feel like giving up when feel like your breakthrough is so far?
10. ...feel like crying when memories are just gonna be memories?
11. ...feel tired when u have to go thru the motion of making new friends all over again?
12. ... feel sad when most of your good close friends are leaving for overseas to study..again?
Dont you? i do. and i would be lying if i say i m not tired.
I'm really...really....am *this* close to giving up.
And it didnt help when someone told me ''sometimes, you have to walk this journey alone".
Dont worry, i am still pressing on, because its worth pressing on. I know.
But i really want a 'chill-out' time from constantly struggling to break free. I do.
What is taking me so long?
Even if i cant finish dealing with all these when i am on earth, i want to achieve one thing , to 'know and love God even more' .
Even if i may not get what i want, GOd is still worthy to be praised.
Like i have mentioned in my previous post, He never changes, and HE is NOT a God who lies, His promises stands true.
And with this in mind, i know i have to change.
Deut 10 : 16
"Circumcise yout heart, do not be stiff neck people"
Is my neck stiff? have i been so insensitive to God tht i no longer listen to what He has to say? or have i been so 'into' my problems tht i forget tht GOd is in control?
And above it all, God's command is so simple. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul".
God's word is worth holding on so tight tht u would be willing to let go of other things tht are precious to u.
Matt6:33
"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and ALL these things will be given to you as well"
At last, God is good.
(p/s: i m sorry if you are offended , i m sorry.)
~me~ at 10:48 PM
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Thursday, January 25, 2007
Thoughts From A Pain
GOd is the same, yesterday, today, and forever. And if He was the one who raised Lazarus from the dead, He can cause the pain to go off immediately too! But i didnt had that. I had the pain at the most inconvenient time today, and it didnt go off as i wanted to.
So what went wrong? GOd never change. Period. So, its something in me that He wanna deal with.
This has been my third CC meeting tht i went thru feeling either fever-ish, nausea, swelling on my face, and today, cramp. It didnt come gradually, it was sudden.
I did a lot of thinking in the room i was resting in today, had a small chat with God as well.
Jane says :
" God. Why? Was my faith too small? Was i suppose to hold on more just now, instead of walking away? WHat was i suppose to do so tht i can see ur miracle working in me? What would ppl/new visitors think of me? Since CC 2007 started, the "jane" they would perceive is a weak 'jane'. I cant even chat with them, or meet them. IS there something tht u want me to learn out of this? "
God says:
"IS impression such a big thing for you? I know what u r going thru, and tht's is sufficient. why bother what others think? Since u claim tht I never change, continue to believe it."
Well..BAM. Impression and reputation were the things tht God wanna deal with me. These two means a lot, and i do try my best to give good impression to ppl around me. And i guess, it has become a 'distraction' to me at times, and i tend to lose focus of my main vision of doing certain things. I care a lot of what ppl perceive about me, i do. But even as i went thru these 3 weeks, I learn tht perception is not the MAIN thing. Ppl may perceive me well, but if my heart is not 'well', or right with GOd, what's the point?
YEah..so it boils down to the heart issue as well.
I felt really bad not being able to help out as much as i want to, or not being able to put on a healthy look. i felt bad when ppl has to look out for me, and run around to make sure i am ok. I dislike being sick, esp in front of my friends. I felt frustrated when i cant help out when i should.
GOd has to shoosh me down and say tht everything is ok, and HE knows what HE is doing.
This wasnt the only thing tht made me uncomfortable today. I didnt had a good sleep last night. I had a very emo + terrible dream last night. I wish i didnt had to dream tht. I didnt mind if it was any monster chasing me , or alien taking me away kinda dream. I dreamt of something which i m still struggling. A situation where i didnt wanna be in. The ppl whom i didnt wanna meet. The feeling i didnt wanna feel. I woke up, and i didnt wanna sleep, cuz i was so afraid tht if i close my eyes, i would be 'there' again.
But apart from all these, God is still good, and HE is in control. I have learnt a lot, and still learning even as i continue to live this life. ANd the bible says tht it is no longer I who live, but Christ, in me. Since it is Christ who lives in me, wouldnt HE make this life, a life worth living to the fullest?
SO is there any reason tht i should worry?
Hmm..i know i have divert the topic. But i do hope u guys followed my flow of thoughts.
~me~ at 11:48 PM
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Tuesday, January 23, 2007
hey ppl! Finally manage to upload my HK/Shen Zhen pictures, so here are just a glimpse of what i did , and where i lepak-ed. hhehe...=)
the looks of the "Loke" (s) at dawn
ahahha...do we look like those actor/actress acting in Hong Kong?
Met up with my dad's good friend in HK. She's so funky! I so lurve her! *grins*
oh and the rest are her family members.
oh oh ! She knows this actress too --> 'shuet lei' che. Saw her in a restaurant, and apparently going to play mahjong with her. hahahaha... not quite a fan, but at least i saw an actress in Hong Kong la. *satisfaction*
A boat ride. The boats around us are high class speed boats. not sure was it George Bush, or someone else, stayed in one of the boats too.
i felt so luxurious to be privilege enough to use this spoon made of gold (i think). ahahhaha..
for those who wanna add 3 days to ur life, walk thru this bridge once. =) i only walked halfway. took a picture, and came down.
this is in Repulsion Bay. One of my fav pic i took with my mom. =)
City lights in Shen Zhen.
SHOPPING!!! SEe the CrowD!
my tour team! On the left is my family, and on my right is a family from Indonesia! COol family wei!
I adore this family picture..
Oohh...and we were all around the nations!
we saw the leaning tower of pisa!
...and pyramid
....and saw the eifel tower
...and this 'i-have-no-idea-where-this-is-located-originally' scenary
....and my fav of all, the NIGERIA FALLS! and also my fav family picture of all!
It's Christmas time!
spot my adoring brother.
A pose i taught my mom,and it turned out not bad ..hahahah..Ta-DA~~!
Night lights in Shenzhen!
Back in Hotel...i lurve the TV!! Its a blessing i tell u! Both rooms were upgraded to exclusive suite automatically without extra charges! Its my first time living in such luxurious hotel room, with flat screen TV!!
Our New Year's Eve meal in a seafood restaurant! We ate under a tree.
they call it 'flying bread'
and my new Year countdown was spent viewing this..An experience i would say.
Okaaaay..done updating. hehehehe...i need sleep.
~me~ at 11:23 PM
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Friday, January 19, 2007
Dedicated to Li shawn..
Psalm 46
Vs 1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
Vs 9
He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; HE breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields with fire/
Vs 10
Be still , and know tht I am God ;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.
Vs 11
The Lord Almighty is with us;
the GOd of Jacob is our fortress.
Li Shawn, in times like these, rmbr God can break the hardest of the hardest hearts, even if it may seem impossible. Let this verse be an encouragement to u, tht God is at work. Hold on to Him, and see the mighty works of prayer. We will be praying for u gurl. =)
~me~ at 4:54 PM
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Friday, January 12, 2007
GOD IS GOD.
Yup! Its really a testimony of how God has sustained me the past days while i wasnt feeling too well. Had slight fever on wednesday and thursday, and on tht both days i had to be in CC. Really glad tht i m able to make it, cuz it was really a time where i was impacted, inspired, and also refreshed by what i heard, saw, and felt. Though i may not be in the best health condition, yet i was blessed.
There were times i almost wanted to give up and shout "I wanna go home!!!", but i like what Si qin told me , "trust God tht He will keep u safe" , and He did.
He sustained me when i was playing the keyboard,
He sustained me when i was praying,
He sustained me when i was in a meeting,
He sustained me when i was sitting at the place where the aircond was blowing at me during dinner,
He sustained me when i was in a sushi place while waiting for friends to finish groceries shopping,
He sustained me when i was talking to people,
He sustained me when i had to run around to get things done..
.....need more explanation?
Wow..it has been ages since i was down with fever AND flu. FLu was common, but not fever. And i think GOd has His reason for letting me going thru this. How come?
Haha..maybe because i prayed a prayer?
I realised i have been sleeping really late lately, and i prayed a very dangerous prayer tht GOd will discipline me to sleep early and spend more time with Him.
And indeed, this fever has caused me to sleep early, and also to stay indoor, and i can spend more time with God. And i have a testimony of His sustainence too! isnt tht great coming from a fever and flu? THT means God can do much more when i recover!
So...lesson learnt..never pray a dangerous prayer. ahhaha! just kidding~~
God can work in many ways, and at times u may not realise it, but everything has its purpose and reasons.
Thanx to everyone who tried to make me feel better, thanx to the two drivers (lucas and jason) who drove me to and fro to CC and home when i wasnt really fit to drive, thanx to CQ who bought sour sweets for me when i felt nausea, thanx to Ellie who helped me to collect the fried rice,thanx to Sook wai who brought me out for lunch today,thanks to Ann Nyee who teman-ed me in Don Sushi while the guys went grocery shopping, thanks to Ben who walked all the way to 7-eleven and bought me panadol, and also thanks to those who prayed for me!
Ooh..This is my first post for the year 2007!
Yeah..i know i m suppose to post my resolutions and all, etc... but i will do tht some other day k? But hey, i started it with a testimony!! Tht's even better than any resolutions! =)
Smile ppl, and have a GuuurreeaT day!
~me~ at 3:31 PM
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