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- J i n G L e -
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This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it...
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Wednesday, July 26, 2006
" pembunuhan, peperangan, milik jiwa ke-ego-an"
This song was sung in the clip was shown before the 8pm news today. And it was on war, bombing, and it was terrible...T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E!
Why?
The world itself has not enough problems is it? that u have to invite war to 'join' in the fun? cant we, as humans, made in GOd's image, settle things in a HUMAN-ly, professionally, orderly manner? Why war among other things? why involve innocent families, and KIDS ? oh for goodness sake, stop acting like a baby!
REading the newspaper isnt helping much as well. Felt so angry towards the robber who robbed and killed the mother of two kids, infront of them somemore! All for the sake of money? A MOM of TWO YOUNG KIDS! Now the kids are left without a mom! They are gonna grow up without a mom! How could you, u robber! ARGH!!!!!! *shouts! slams table!*
I m just so agitated by the news today. It really hits me than mankind shows not even the slight reflection of God. All we ever care about is me, me and ME! ISh! urgh! YUCK!
Yet GOd came down to die for us, dirty ol yucky us.
Do we need to ask any more blessings from Him?
"God, heal our nation, heal our land, heal our soul.."
Christians, let us join our hands , with NECF together with their 40 days fast, pray hard for our country, our world. We need divine help and strength from above. Let us not dive into our self-pity party of our own problems, but rise up and intercede for our nation.
I am not saying we dont care bout our problems, God still cares. ITs not wrong having problems. Its not wrong praying over it. ITs normal and totally ok. BUt dont just dwell on it, and care bout tht solely, lets extend our care to the world too, let our hands be never too short to reach out, because GOd's hand is never too short to reach out to the world, to our country, and to our personal problems.
God cares, for ALL (diff races, religion, nationalities,etc..) of you. =)
Goodnight world, and remember, God loves you very much, tht's why He died for u.
~me~ at 12:17 AM
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Sunday, July 23, 2006
3 decisions i have to make:
1) This or that?
2) Stay or go?
3) remain or change?
YEah... Tht's all i could give out. Deep inside me, i kinda have the answer, but a part of me wants me to think more about it, which make it more complicated.
So how? think or not to think? or just maintain where i am? Does it mean tht i remain in my comfort zone? If not how? Honestly, i am not ready for a change!
I wanna be alone. (yes, sookie, me too!)
ALone where? the ideal place is by the beach, but tht's not really possible now.
SO my other option? --> church. but its also not really possible as there's always human around .
other other option? -- > my room. My pillow is actually quite soggy now, as a result of my tears.
Its weird though, where u think if a certain event that u want it to happen so much, did happen, everything will be alright, sun will shine, birds will chirp. But NO~~~ MORE problems kicked in. All ur inner feelings tht u neva thought existed in u starts to say "peek-a-boo! i m here!". And now u wish tht tht certain event didnt happen. But u cant, cuz it already did.
No matter how much u want to get out, u r stuck.
then's when psalm 118 comes in.
"In my distress, I cry out to GOd,
And HE will set me free"
Free from what?
Not problems. But the struggles.
i am really tired of struggling. I never seem to come out of it. How come?
Week after week...
Seeing the same thing which i dread to see, again and again , feeling tht same ol rushing strom in me.
To you and you, u know how much it hurts? pls stop!
but i cant be selfish.
but can i? can i?
GOd : " What do YOU think, Jane?"
......
~me~ at 10:06 PM
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Friday, July 21, 2006
"Steadfastness, that is holding on;
patience, that is holding back;
expectancy, that is holding the face up;
obedience, that is holding one's self in readiness to go or do;
listening, that is holding quiet and still so as to hear."
~S. D. Gordon, in "Quiet Talks on Prayer"~
How long must i wait , Lord?
Nevermind, child. Trust me.
Those were the words from the book "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot.
I am still reading it, and its almost to the end of the book. I was kinda immersed in the book, cuz i can fully emphatize with the author. I have never found a book where there are so many similarities with i am going through. Mind u, this is not those "oh-so-holy" book which tells a list of "do(s) and dont(s)", but it really shows and describe how she really felt at tht time, and its kinda 'comforting' to know tht a strong woman of God also have her own time of 'thorn'. I thought i was alone in this pathway, till i read her book. SOmeone has gone through tht path, and the end result will be far greater than we can expect IF we put our trust in the Lord.
ITs just so real. What she felt, its what exactly i felt. The temptation, the sufferings in waiting, the longing for something , the desire, the silence, everything!
It also talks about how a woman should have her sense of dignity, and what u shouldnt give in, or sacrifice, for the sake of tht temporarily desire. Elisabeth Elliot was trying to make a wake up call for woman these days, and we shouldnt not give in to those modern hoo haa which has corrupted our minds.
I really wanna thank Si Qin for lending this book to me. No wonder she strongly urge me to read tht book.
I strongly recommend ALL (guys and gals) to read tht book!
These past few days have been pretty mundane. uni started and its back to reports, reports, reports. Which is good in some sense as this keeps my mind busy , and away from being idle. Will have the lesser of 'why Lord", and more of "I trust You God".
Currently in Uni now,thinking of where to eat before CG starts. Its gonna be like this for the whole of this semester. Dinner alone..WHICH is quite cool as i have my own sweet time, and i can go wherever i want without having to hear "anything-la" for places to eat.
Got my book, bible, CG notes with me, sufficient enough to keep my mind from going idle. =)
Oh, and also the penguin game!
Till then..
I wait.
Dear Lord, Thy ways
Are past finding out,
Thy love too high.
O hold me still
Beneath Thy shadow.
It is enough that Thou
Lift up the light
Of Thy countenance.
I wait -
Because I am commanded
So to do. My mind
Is filled with wonderings.
My soul asks "Why?"
But then the quiet word,
"Wait thou only
upon God."
And so, not even for the light
To show a step ahead,
But for Thee, dear Lord,
I wait.
~Elisabeth Elliot~
~me~ at 6:51 PM
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Tuesday, July 11, 2006
I miss........................................
(my top-10 list)
1. My life as a kid.
I could remember how my mom would walk with me back and we would 'da pao' kuih on the way back. How i use to play in my babysister house, with other friends of mine who is under her care. Back then, my worries were probably "Where's our next holiday vacation going to be?" , or "WHat would my bday gift be?" or "Will i be qualified to be the next prefect?", etc... I wish my life is as simple as that now. :/
2. My friends in Chung Hwa.
I shifted from KL in 1995, and i parted with my Chung Hwa friends. I only knew them for two years, but it looks as if i knew them for ages..Till today, i am so grateful that i am able to keep in touch with them, or i should say two of them. =) Sien Hui and Pik Ying..I have not seen them for 11 years! Gosh.... I miss those times where we fight for the place of who is to be 'snow white', or 'cinderella'; fighting for the numbering in class (DArn! i always get second because of a smart dude), getting caught by prefects cuz i always run and not walk (rushing to class ma..), and OH! how happy i was when i was chosen to be the class's assistant monitor! fooyoh! tht was like my 'glory' in chung hwa. HAHA... I was 'walking' above the ground mann! everyone respected me! haha... I remember how this bunch of gurls didnt wanna let me play with them in the skipping rope game, then my gang commented "they should let Yuk Jing play, since she's the assistant monitor." *BIG GRIN* ahhahah..
3. My high school friends.
NEed to elaborate more? ahha..i think i have covered tht quite a fair bit in my previous post.
4. My mission trip in Thailand.
Sawati-ka...(or is it -kap?) YEah, this is one trip tht i will never erase from my memory. Never ever. On of my best times were my time there. The smiles in those kids, the bright shining light in their eyes , the joy on their faces when they received a gift, the laughter they brought wen they were playing games, etc.. Even through this, i got to know so many other ppl from different countries, different backgrounds, different culture. ANd yet, we were all united and serving Him in Thailand at a time such as that. Also i got closer Malaysian friends tht i wasnt close at first, but tht time we clicked, and shared our problems.. =) Also the times where we monkeyed around, or rather duck-ing around..hahaha! Not to forget, God's presence.. I have learnt so much, and also learn how to view things in a different way, learn how to make ministry more effective too! 2 weeks just flew past like tht..
5. December 2004
Well....i really dont know how to describe this. It was the best time i ever had. THe best-est! ITs always THE month of tht year i would look back to it when i am sad. ITs THE month of tht year that something new had started. It's THE month of tht year tht i got almost what i truly wanted for my birthday, it's THE month of tht year that causes my norms of life to change. If i can choose to turn back time, this is THE month of tht year i want to go back to. I reallly miss it. I really do. I really really really really do!
6. First half of 2005.
My happiest moments. =) and i am hoping tht i can experience it again, if not better!
7. Youth exchange to NEw Zealand.
Kiora! It was in December 2002. Also something tht i will never erase from my memory. Singing Baa baa kambing hitam with KAe Miin, also talking bout our craving for cute ang mo guys (nyek nyek nyek) with KAe Miin and Lai Kuan, lying dowon on the green green grass watching sun rise, celebrating New YEar with ketchup song, dancing with Joe (we got third!), jumping (or dived?) into the waterfall, singing waterfall song, sleep in the big big tent, bus-ing around, eating potatoes, visiting homes with christmas decoration, going church with my host families, holding on to my hat while walking in Wellington, got lost in Upper Hutt, got scolded by bus driver (stupid bus driver), performing Belaian Jiwa & Rasa Sayang with our traditional clothes, smelling sulphur in Rotoroa, taking pictures, talking malay cuz we didnt want others to know our secret (tough!), learning Doraemon song from our japanese friend, getting crazy over LOTR, watching LOTR in their cinema.............(and the list never ends..)
8. Sarah and Jaclynn.
These two have impacted my life. SArah just left to Kuching today, and Jac is still in US. I miss the fun we had. THe laughter, the sharing moments, the lil lil girly secrets... I miss the times where i played keyboard together with Sarah, how we would plan our dressing for service, going thru the preaching test, being a barbie doll for sarah to put make up on my face, iron-ing my hair (?) , going to Casa-mia after service, arguing over our taste, whining over guys, staying over with our pyjamy, camwhoring, bus-ing during GIG, praying together...*smiles dreamily and looks at a corner* ANd Ja 2? I miss u being u. WE were so alike. --> crappy! hahaha..
9. My life.
YEs..i miss my life. With my uni work pile up like tht, extra responsibilities..sigh..i dont even wanna start listing the things i have to do, and what nots.. It would nice to go to a nice CLEAN beach, with my bible and notebook, probably a book, and just sit there with a nice soothing drink,and relaax~~Away from the hustle and bustle, just for once? i so envy uncle khong now in Redang. Cant view the picture message he send over also.Sigh..
10. Lastly, i miss *****
=)
~me~ at 10:43 PM
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Back....
MEt up with Sarah in the evening...
Had a really good time with her, all the good ol days memories just came back.
Aww..and she's flying off tmr, already!
Ooo....and i got good news! SOmeone proposed to my friend!! AWw mann....in such a romantic way!!!!! SO Happpeee for heR! Have to start saving up now if i wanna go and visit her ...
"Your day will come sooooon...."
Tht's what she told me. haha... i doubt the word "soon". =p
Hmm....
Rmbr in one of my post, i was saying i felt a lil competitive?
I am feeling it a lil more now...
After a conversation i had with a friend, i really felt it even more.
Dont get me wrong, its not about the wedding..HAHA.. (mann..i am not so desperate)
ITs something else..
Oh well....... back to the bible and the Word, and letting GOd reminding me that i am special in His sight and tht i do not have to compete.
GOodnight WOrld!
P/S : still feeling so happeeee for her! i wanna go and visit her soon! but no $$$..donations are most welcome..hehe!
~me~ at 12:20 AM
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Monday, July 10, 2006
i feel exhausted, yet satisfied.
Lemme back track a lil, i signed up to help out in the orientation.
I actually signed up.
I felt weird to agree on helping at first, and with the knowledge that i will be alone throughout the whole thing..
And yet i went on with it.
Its just weird of me. I dont usually say 'yes' to something which i m not really keen about.
Oh welll...tht's how God works.
And so...today was the start of the orientation. I am in uni now, waiting for jie ying's reply to see whether she's up for lunch or not.
First part of orientation ended, the second part only involved international students.
Though i am exhausted (thanx to football finals, which wasnt really worth watching), but yet i am amazed how God works , even through me, a timid ol' lonely me. hahaha..
Lemme tell u briefly what happen..
I woke up in the morning, feeling a lil giddy and reluctant to drag myself to uni..
In my mind, was like "GOSH...i am SUPPOSE to be on HOLIDAY! Do i have to do this?"
God said, " U want a story or not?"
Yeah...since friday, i have been praying tht i want to reach out to ppl through this orientation week, and since i would be "alone" in tht sense, its easier for me to mix around with the juniors. I just somehow knew God has something for me, and He was the one who caused me to say "yes" in this.
It started with breakfast and all..Gotta meet some new ppl, those who r in the 'buddies' training, (buddies are the one who are helping out in the orientation). And new students started to come in 15 mins after tht...
Breakfast was nice..ehhe..
After tht, it was all speeches.. I tell u, this is the longest sesssion on SPEECHES i have ever been! Forgive me, this is my first time to monash orientation as well..hehe! i missed it when i was a newbie there, cuz i was in thailand.
Then, MUSA (Monash University Student Association) took over the session, with presentations of the clubs and some games.
Then came lunch..
Since it was a big group, i didnt want to join in the swamp of bees, that are taking their honey...SO i just stepped back and be patient for the bees to finish taking their honey, hoping and praying they would leave some honey for this lonely ol' jane-bee.
Then, i spotted a girl, having lunch alone. It's a norm for me to say hi to someone lonely, so i walked towards her and stretched out my hand and introduced myself ..
" HI, I M JANE, and YOu are??"
A conversation started.
It wasnt really a conversation i expected..
IT is P&C.
Then, i had a strong urge to pray for her..
I was like "NOW?? Wont it be weird??"
The urge keeps coming back.
Then i recalled the prayer i made, saying i wanna reach out, and i told myself "Jane,THIS is ur opportunity!"
And so, i asked her "If u dun mind, can i pray for u? I'm a christian, and i know my GOd hears!"
She was so happy and said , "SURE! THanx!"
the conversation went on...
Though all the 'honey' was gone went i finished, i am satisfied.. =)
BRB..meeting JY.
~me~ at 1:14 PM
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Thursday, July 06, 2006
i finally gotto watch 'hips dun lie' mtv, thru sheena's blog..
Hahah...free advertisement for ur blog gurl!
Watched football yesterday..
The host lost!
yup! it doesnt really matter who wins, since England and BRazil are already out, but i dont want the host to win..i dont know why, and too bad it has to be Germany.
...I am just weird.
hopefully i can stay up for the next one. Supporting FrancE!
Today, i was struggling with GOd because i m having difficulty to lay something on the altar, something precious.
I realised it is so easy to say "YEs GOd, i leave it to You", and dont mean it.
SO many times i have said , "GOd, i commit **** to you"
And the next thing i know, i am still 'bound' to it.
SO, this time, i really wanna mean things, and it was hard..
I still cant manage to utter those words.
and GOd showed me Psalm 118 : 5.
"In my anguish I cried to the Lord,
and He answered by setting me free."
I realised sometimes when we pray, or in this case, I pray, i tend to expect instant answer. I am the kind who wants to see fast results.
But then, in this verse, it says GOd answers us by setting us free..
AS i was trying to ponder over this verse, slowly it make sense to me.
FREEdom is what matters. Freedom from what? From our selfish desire!
And after tht, i went to CC practice.
First, CT was saying , "Okay...lets turn to Psalm *paused for 10 sec* 118
Me in thoughts : " oh ok...tht's probably a coincidence"
CT : let's read it together..
(WE read)
CT: " i would like to bring ur attention to verse.........
Me in thoughts : "Is he gonna say verse 5?"
CT : "................(continuation)lets read verse 5 again."
Me in thoughts : *speehchless*
For such a long time i have never encounter this.
Its like some sort of confirmation tht i will be set free when i cry out to GOd.
So GOd is saying, "What r u waiting for, CRy out to me! and i will set u free."
Amazing huh? how the Holy Spirit works.
Tmr is gonna be a brand new day..
Wait (looks at time), (rewind)i mean today is gonna be a brand new day...
Looking forward for what GOd has in stored for me tmr!
GOodnight world...
~me~ at 1:34 AM
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Wednesday, July 05, 2006
*tum TI tum TI tum*
---WAiting for football to start---
Yeah..i am gonna wait and watch! probably with my cup of coffee? maggie mee?
Went all the way to monash today to settle my timetable..sigh, in the end also have to wait one week.
So i went all the way there for....nothing?
my car died a few times b4 i went, my ol' green wira car is grumbling, literally..
(vvVVRROOOOOOoOOooom ..vrr.vreeeuummmm..mmm.*silence* *starts engine again* vrOOOOooM, VRoo...Vreeeeummm....mmm..*silence* )
.......................and the kancil honk-ed me. =p
then, meet up with my mentor.
had a erm...a productive talk?
there were laughters and tears..
Somehow felt blessed for God to send this person to me. TO be able to walk alongside me, and knowing how stubborn i am, its kinda hard to work with me.
PLus the terrible tantrum i have.
Yeah..there were certain stuff i knew she was hinting me to let go, and she knew tht i was not really willing to. SHe somehow saw through me, and immediately she knew my problem.
yUp..she knew.
and GOd knows.
Weird...
Tim just said hi through Sookie's msn..
to tim if u r reading this,
"BLEH! have to go thru another party to say hie somemore.. =p"
Currently reading a book entitled, "A Walking Miracle" by Art Sanborn.
This author is really something.
Usually , i find books either too serious, or too boring.
But this, its touching, but Art Sanborn has a good sense of humour.
Though how hilarious it may be, the substance and the message he wanna put across is very clear.
Very interesting..
He was paraylsed, and the doctors has classified his injury was as severe as christopher Reeve, and he must face the reality of being dependant on life support for the rest of his life.
But as u read on, GOd has HIs way of changing ARt SAnborn's story.
Just to share one part..
~~The hospital's psychologist, Dr Hughes, also interviewed me once a week, In our first session, she asked if i had had any thoughts of suicide or self-destruction.
I shared that , as a servant of Jesus, I would never entertain such thoughts. "I know thatm even if i never walk again, God will give me the ability to be content. I would rather be serving GOd in this wheelchair, than running without Him." I paused. " But Dr Hughes," I said, "May i ask you a question?"
"Of course." she responded.
" Why would you ask a quadriplegic such a question?" I said with a grin. "I mean, even if I wanted to kill myself, what could I do about it? Hold my breath?"
Dr Hughes burst into laughter. ~~
Tht's just one part of it. U have to read the others..its so encouraging to see how he and his family tries to please GOd with their future, and their plans.
okies..i shall go read my book and my bible now..
............and also drink something.
Goodnight world.
~me~ at 12:33 AM
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Tuesday, July 04, 2006
" We come as a team, we eat as a team!"
~ Bryan Foong~
" Behind every succesful man is a woman,
Behind every successful woman is the woman herself. "
~ Serena Foong~
THank u Bryan and Serena, for entertaining us during the whole dinner. =) will miss the two of u dearly as u leave for to further ur studies!
Dinner was alright, food was lovely, stomach was more than satisfied.
My feeling now?
angry, pissed, competitve. -->very negative
Not gonna elobrate on it.
and what's worst?
i cant tell tht person.
So, result?
Tht person doesnt know tht i am hurting, and will go on doing the same old thing.
~me~ at 12:42 AM
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Sunday, July 02, 2006
my com line is giving me problems again..
sigh..
suppose to upload some photos, but i cant get access to tht web...oh well..
I have a testimony to share!which i was suppose to share it few weeks ago..
It happen few weeks ago..
I got extra money !
i got the exact amount of what i pledged for two months!
ISNt GOd amazing?
and i got it in the most unexpected way..
very unexpected way..
haha..wont say it here tho..
TOday is sunday.
worship was great..
and i know GOd was there..
HE was there all the time..
even thru practice..
oh wait..even throughout my week!
Practice on saturday was a lil "off-focus".
It all started on friday..
u know how sometimes u pray a prayer to prepare ur heart?
PRepare to not react negatively on certain stuff tht u know u may..
and so u prayed.
And u expect things to get better ...
but it got worst..
U r now put into the situation tht will cause u to react negatively!
U try to overcome it.
but somehow failed.
U burst-ed.
and..
U reacted negatively
and u remembered u prayed tht prayer to prepare ur heart..
u knew GOd put u in tht situation to mould u.
and yet, u failed.
yup...tht's what i went thru.
and i failed to control.
But i know God wants me to learn something.
and i did.
But it was a tough one.
Though i know what i have to do, what mindset i have to change, what burdens i have to put down at His feet, its tough to do it.
Saturday came..
I was so excited as i am gonna meet up with Yeong Ru..
I had a really nice time with her..
Chatted so much..got to know so much bout what is happening in her life and all.
Feel really excited for her as well! FEel so happy for her too!
She left for UM today.
And all the others as well
I miss them.
Then prayed again the prayer.
cuz i somehow knew it will happen again.
plus, i m playing a big role..
I cant lose my focus!
Things got bad even b4 i started.
"Tht's it", i tot.
My whole focus wasnt there..
I was singin "'Father We Love You, and we worship You this day", "YOu are all I want", etc..
I was siinging those words
BUt did i mean it?
I felt guilty as i sing it..
I want to mean it, but at tht point of time, i just couldnt.
I really wanted to cry...
BUt situation wouldnt allow me to.
I cried out to GOd, saying i really wanna make this right, i really wanna mean what i sing!
PLEASE let me love u like how i sing it.
PLEASE let me worship u like how i sing it.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!
The devil was deceiving me also..
THere was this voice tht said "u r a hypocrite! u shouldnt sing!"
I brushed off tht thought immediately, cuz i wanna worship and sing to GOd regardless of how i feel.
I managed through with GOd.
I know HE was there..
HE said "child, i am here...fear not...keep singing, i am listening, and i am here."
AS the day pass, things seem to get better,,but it was not fully dealt with.
Nevertheless, i had fun at night with my cousin and nieces, and nephews..
IT was my 3rd aunty (dad's side) bday.
Had fun playing "monkey" with a bunch of presch and primary sch kids..
Just by looking at them makes me smile...
They have no worries, or whatsoever
and they have grown so much...
aww..
ANd its the only time where i can 'win' something in a lucky draw.
hehe!
Am so proud to be a Loke. (not lokay, lo-ke)
SUnday came..
Bro was shouting tht England and BRazil lost..
oh well.. boohoo..
Worship was fantastic..
GOd was there again..
It's such an honour to be able to partner with Him on this.
thanx for the encouragements..
not only u have been blessed, i m too..
=)
Encouragements never fail puts a smile on my face..
i shall stop here...need to go..will continue soon.
~me~ at 11:46 PM
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