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- J i n G L e -
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This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it...
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Monday, May 29, 2006
*puts down book and start typing*
Getting a 5 mins break from studies...
My week was well..erm..i dont like to use tht word, but yeah --> Crappy.
Things just didnt seem to fall into place.
It just didnt.
With my mood now, i can even complain about the most innocent thing.
i am still afraid..
Afraid tht history might play back, again, for the (i think) 3rd time.
I dont wanna think about it, but i can see 5% of the signs coming.
Though at times i know i am thinking too much.
BUt still..
My heart is just not at peace.
Still being a paranoia as i have always been.
I knew i could learn something out of this.
I have to.
If not, God will not put me through this, again.
I didnt learn it the previous times i think.
I dont wanna screw up this time.
BUT WHAT IS IT THT I HAVE TO LEARN?
Honestly, i am tired of going thru the same painful experience again.
Its not healthy.
I thought i managed through the last time..
I really thought so.
And why again?
I cant answer tht, but i can only rest it in God's hand.
Above everything, though its painful, GOd's name is still worthy to be praised.
He is.
Though how many times HE's gonna put me thru this, well, there's a purpose.
I really salute how JOb went thru his.
my problem compared to him is so so so so so tiny, (a tip of the tip of the iceberg).
And so ,JAne, why are u complaining?
*sscreeEEEAAAAAAAMMmmMSSSS!!*
*pulls hair*
*breathe*
*sCreeams with pillow covering my mouth*
*breathe*
I just hope i am thinking too much, tht's all.
Even he said so. But can i trust him?
Grrrrr..
WHen i need my brain to work the most, it doesnt obey.
But when i want it to stop thinking, it goes on and on with nonsense.
And tht results with disturbing dreams.
which concludes to not enough sleep.
My black 'underskin eyeshadow' is working very 'effective' now.
SO effective until i cant wash away.
*leans back on the chair*
PLus the earthquake in indonesia.
GOsh...PLS STOP!
I barely even took a breather and this tragedy news came into my ear.
YEt above all these, (ALL THESE), GOD's NAME IS STILL WORTHY TO BE PRAISED!!
JEsus DIED for ME, AND YOU.
HE overcome death.
And HE will lead us all through 'deaths'.
IF only u would let Him to.
Though i may not end my week in a way i wanted it to,
i know who can make my future week to be bright, tho to me it may seem dark.
"Eventhough i walk through the valley of the shadows of death,
I shall fear no evil
YOur rod and Your staff,
They comfort me. "
~Psalm 23~
Thank you Lord.
~me~ at 1:41 AM
Comments-[ comments.]
Thursday, May 25, 2006
hmm..
Campus City was great today~~
Though there were only a handful of us, but God is still present and we still went all out for it. =)
Calvin preached on 'Can you pull through?'
=)
Felt a lil better today, though yesterday night i still have some dream...
Woke up feeling a lil 'off', but, i would still proclaim this as i always have when i wake up everymorning, "this is the day the Lord has made, i will rejoice and be glad in it."
*smilez*
My day was okay..
still feeling a bit the down, but yeah, pulling through.
God is still worthy of all praise.
I dunno la..it may due to PMS, or it may due to things that are happening.
Sometimes i just feel that i am taken forgranted.
I dont mind helping, i may seem nice, but it doesnt mean u can take that forgranted.
I already did what i could, and i can say i went out of my way to do that favour for u.
And still, u want to push me further?
helo!
I had enough of being pushed and being told what to do.
Am i really tht soft?
I really feel so 'unimportant' at times.
Its like when they need me, they will come.
when they dont, they just dont?
A compensation is how i feel.
No matter where i go, who i deal with, i feel as though i am not the best choice to be around.
I have never felt tht way for a very long time already.
I thought i have overcome it, but these few days, it's been creeping in slowly again.
Maybe its just me being sensitive.
or i am really 'unimportant' .
no matter what, God sees and knows me, so tht comforts me.
hmm..
DO i treat ppl unfairly?
Its that why i get this sort of treatment in return?
hmmm?
I though all this while, i try to help as much as possible, i try to be there for all my friends if possible.
And this is what i get?
I miss my friends back in high school, SMK Taman SEA
Yeong Ru, Li shawn, Suet Yee, Chai Kun, Elane, Wen Teng, Li huey,Yek Lian, Wei Sun, Yew Meng, Ken Gene, Rowan, Joanna, Wai Mun, Wai Hoong, Edmund, Edward, Thomas, Sean Im, Swee Keng, Eileen, Chee Yong, Huey Chee, Yi Sing, taekwondo friends, etc...
..and not to forget my dear Sarah Shin, though i didnt meet her during high school, but she has placed a great impact on my life, and its as though i have known her since high school.
Jaclynn too!
Well..dont misunderstand me, i am not saying this is it.
But these are the ones i dont realy see them tht often anymore.
I miss all of u so so so so so much..
Look , i am not saying my current friends are not good, but its just tht i miss my high school peeps a lot now.
I was so touched when Suet Yee surprised me by giving me a call , all the way from Australia! *sobz*
It really meant a lot to me.
and also to li shawn, who also gave me a phone call a few months back...
gosh..u guys rawk!
Pn Liew was right when she said this 3 yrs ago, while teaching chemistry in tuition...
"Treasure ur high school friends, they will be the ones who would leave a permanent mark/memories in your mind."
Its so TRUE.
Sigh...but all these are memories now.
I could still remember how we boycotted the MR Alim's BM essays, sing negaraku dunno how many times because some discipline teacher cant hear, tickling our class monitor (nyek nyek nyek..tht was EVIL mann), sang our own-created patriotic song composed by gene, huey and sun, playing softball in PJK, putting up mosquito nets, chasing after teachers for their signature in our testimonials, driving Pn Tang mad, getting odd sum of donation collection (11 cents from Yew Meng remember?), crazy over f4, etc..
sigh..i miss those days...
(i am sorry sarah, i cant help it but to put up this one..hehe!)
our must family photo.
my taugeh gang!!
i dunno how many i put, but as i was looking thru it, tears almost ran.
sigh..i guess i have to go back to my studies..
wont be blogging often, and wont be online so often, as i have pass up all my assignments, and i dont have the excuse to come online anymore (hehe..), so...
till then, take care..
To those who r taking test, all da best and lets strive together!
You all will be in my prayers..
=) smile! cuz GOd loves you! and i mean YOU! *points*
~me~ at 11:54 PM
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"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your path straight."
Proverbs 3:5
Its 230 am now..
I know i need to sleep, i cant help but to start blogging now.
I have some thoughts in my mind, and i just want to write it down.
I dont know why, but i have been feeling weird since monday.
Or rather feeling scared towards a certain thing, a certain issue.
I am afraid of losing something i love, ...........again.
I am scared.
I turned to proverbs 3:5.
Its God's promise, to make my path straight again.
And God's promises are yes and amen..
So when He said He will make my path straight, He will!
I want to look forward, but somehow it seems blur.
I looked at things happened in my past, and i fear tht history might repeat itself, again.
By looking back, the path i am walking on is not straight anymore.
knowing that, stubbornly i still turn back towards my past.
My path is getting more crooked now.
Only GOd can make it straight now, IF i trust in Him and acknowledge Him.
Saying is easy, but applying is otherwise.
Trusting means giving your whole being, and committing your well-being in someone's hand.
You believe in that person.
Minus out all doubts.
"I trust You Lord".
Its an easy phrase to voice out, but can i really do that?
Can i really put this whole matter in GOd's hand?
GOd post a question to me:
"Jane, if you dont put it in my Hands, your creator, the One who knows you inside out, whose hands will you put it in? "
"God's promises are yes and amen"
These phrase starts to play back in my mind again.
COme on Jane! GOd said it! God SAID it! GOD SAID IT!!!
When God said something, HE DOES NOT LIE!!
"Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
forI will yet praise him
my Saviour and my God. "
Psalms 42:5
I think i have been thinking too much lately..not to mention the lack of sleep.
Even lil incidents that happen, causes me to imagine.
Really imagine things tht its so erm...imaginary.
I have to stop thinking too much!
and start to commit it to the GOd i have, who understands, and i can cast ALL my cares to Him.
as i end this, i may stil have tht fear, but GOd knows, GOd cares, and HE has given me authority to overcome.
p/s: I miss "You" .
~me~ at 2:27 AM
Comments-[ comments.]
Friday, May 19, 2006
*yawnZZzzzZz*
I am suppose to study, but i am having a problem overcoming my sleepiness.
I want to sleep but there's no place for me to sleep here.
So...since i have some time to kill, i just tot i would drop by my blog.
Wondering what on earth am i hanging out in uni?
No...the answer is not 'nothing better to do'.
waiting to have a good time with my mate, jane-mate (it works the same way as 'coffee-mate').
For u smart ppl out there, u shud know what is jane-mate. (notice the word 'what')
(argh, there are pimples near my forehead..gosh! i need sleep and less curry.)
Sorry, got interupted while i was touching my forehead.
where was i? oh yeah, --> jane-mate
well, for the sake of those not-so-smart ppl, jane-mate is cheese!
ahh~~ see! u r one level smarter now.
( i really have no idea what am i talking about)
oh well..yeah..basically, i am going for cheese and choclate fondue with sookie, ellie, addie (spellin?), jasy, timmy, rachy, jocy.
and now waiting for jasy's and timmy's class to end.
Name sounds weird? well..its my affection name for them...
let's play a game..
There's two guys following us to fondue.
From the names above, which two are the names of the guys?
=)
sigh..i really dunno what am i talking about... This is the result of getting not enough sleep...seriously NOT ENOUGH sleep.
But God is and still so good to sustain me through out my crazy weeks of doing my assignments and meeting crazy deadlines.
I wouldnt have done it without Him.
" The joy of the Lord is our strength"
"JOY"--> The substance and source of all strength. No matter how tired or drained out u are, if u have joy, and most importantly joy of the Lord, it gives uextraordinary strength..even more powerful than tongkat ali, and yomeishu.
So many things happened, confusion of certain things starts to kick in again. But apart from all this, the path have to be straight, mind remain focus, on the Lord and His calling. Trials and temptation may seem great, but christians have an advantage because of what God has promised us when we receive Jesus as our Lord and Saviour.
" He who lives in you is greater than he is of the world" 1 Jn 4:4 (correct me if i am wrong)
I may be in the world, but i belong to God.
I wouldnt have sustain and survive throughout my crazy weeks, but God did.
He is good. He reigns. He lives!
Many a times, my friends, christians or non christians, they always pose a particular question to me when they see me being so involved with the ministry and also trying to meet crazy deadlines.
" Jane, why do u want to be so involved in ministry? U got so much work and u will eventually get burn out."
To set the record straight, my purpose of getting involve is not to show tht i am a superwoman, or to gain popularity. Many have misunderstood. When i get this kind of question, i get discouraged and yet enthusiastic.
Discouraged, why?
I feel particularly discouraged when the question is posed by a christian friend.
I mean after seeing me so busy and all, i would appreciate support instead of banging me with this question. Yes, i thank them for reminding me the danger of burning out, but i would really prefer a support. Well..let say IF i get burned out, at least i know ppl were there for me, and supporting me all the way, and not saying things like 'see! i told u so!"
Also, i get involve in ministry not to get blessing from God. Yes, God will bless, but that's not my main focus.
I get involve in His ministry because I love Him.
That is why i can do certain crazy stuff for Him, and though i may get into trouble for it, and ppl telling me "see! i told u so!" , i know who i am doing it for. If He doesnt bless me, well, tht will not stop me from serving Him.
Thanks for all ur concern, i understand..
But i am quite stubborn at times.
I know what i am doing, and who i am doing it for, and even if i have to be tired, its all worth it.
All i am asking for is support, instead of tht question.
Enthusiastic, why?
Well, it gives me an opportunity to share about how good is God to me and to all of us.
I want to tell them that God is good! He IS!
No tongkat ali or steroids will be able to sustain me, but its God.
I look forward for testimonies that are coming my way.
Just wait, and see..=)
Hmm..
I guess i have to go back to my studies now before going for the fondue. =)
Till then,
take care my dear readers.
~me~ at 11:42 AM
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